Savaged Breasts

According to my mom, the breastfeeding trend has only started recently. Doctors, midwifes, hospitals all advocate for mothers to breastfeed their newborns from the beginning.

Why breastfeeding is good?

1. Strengthens baby's immune system
2. Less likely to be colic and constipated
3. Allergies are kept at bay
4. Individualised to the baby's need
5. Bonding between Mama and baby
6. Not fattening
7. Available, sterile and at the right temperature at all times
8. Burns Mama's fats!!

But breastfeeding is tough. And that, i am speaking from experience.
I have always thought that breastfeeding would come naturally and easy to me.
Oh boy, was I wrong!

On our first day at the hospital, I started breastfeeding him.
But because my milk has not come in, he was constantly asking to be fed!
He was latched onto me from 8am to 4pm!
My nipples were so sore...(and never recovered until now...:p)

In my first week, he was so verocious while sucking that my nipples actually bled!
It was quite horrific, cause his mouth was smeared with my blood.
At this point, I was crying a lot. Felt like a failure and a bad Mama.
Was so tempted to just give up and give him formula.

I just didn't understand why this happenned.
Was he latching wrongly?
A voice in me says yes, it is. But i seriously don't know how to rectify this.
Apparently he is not supposed to...suck your nipple in like a spaghetti (which he does), or have a clucking noise while sucking (yup, that too!). But he seems to be drinking fine (gaining weight, urinating and passing motion regularly).
The only thing are my sore nipples. :p

What I did to cope with my Sore Nipples

1. Earth Mama's Nipple Butter was a nipple saver in the beginning. It didn't help much with the soreness or the wound. But it did soothe the crack-ness/dryness of the nipples. In fact, this was the first baby item I bought! :)

It is made entirely out of organic and natural plants, which is non-irritant (i am allergic to lanolin). And because it's natural, it is also safe. You don't even need to wipe it off before feeding your baby.

2. Read in some articles and books, if there is a luka a.k.a. bleeding...express some milk and spread it over your nipples. Leave it to air dry. - This was the BEST solution for my bleeding nipples! It did manage to heal very nicely.

3. Feeding only from one side. I realised that just before it heals properly, Adam will just savage it again, and it will then bleed...yet again. So what I did was to only feed on one side while the other heals. Once that heals, I switched to the other side. During this time, I will pump out the milk from the unfed breast, so that it won't be so engorged!

4. Expressing my Milk. I expressed my milk, especially when my breasts were super engorged. This also gave me a break from feeding from the breast, as I could feed him by bottle. And the husband was pretty excited to do some bonding with his son too...:) Note: It is strongly advised though that you shouldn't introduce the bottle until baby has fully established his latching capabilities.

Do invest in a good pump. I will be writing another entry on my experiences with the Avent Single Electronic Breast Pump.

5. Cry. It is important to relieve any stress. Apparently your milk supply heavily depends on your emotions! Which is so true. During my sore and bleeding nipples period, I was so stressed that little milk flowed through. And this stressed him out. Which made him squirm, tug, bite and pretty much savaged my nipples...which then of course made me more stressed. It is a vicious cycle. :p

6. Avent Breast Shields. These were a God send! At this point, my nipples were no longer bleeding. Feeding was getting a bit easier. But he was still very ferocious at my boob. It is even worst when he is trying to poop while feeding! Cause he will squirm, cry and tug at my nipple. Ouch. And the soreness is quite unbearable, as it goes to my brain. And it doesn't help when the said sore nipples keep getting squashed under my nursing bra. In fact, even the slightest touch/brush against ANYTHING (including my clothes) causes immense pain.

So these breast shields are basically plastic dome-shaped cups which you put on your nipples. It comes in 2 sets. One that has air ventilation and the other one is closed, which can be used to collect milk and ease engorgement.

So all of these things worked for me.
Some days are good...where Adam and I take on breastfeeding so naturally as if we were born to do it (which we are)...
Some days are bad...where nothing I do, can calm him or satisfy him.

Last Friday...was one of those bad days. Adam is starting to to feed a LOT in the evening. Especially during his bedtime feed. As usual, I will change him into his PJ's, then proceed to feed him. Usually, he will be drinking for 30 mins and be satisfied with that.

But on this day! He kept on asking for it almost continuously for 2 hours! 2 freaking hours! Obviously my nipples were very sore at this point of time. On top of that, he didn't sleep soundly throughout the night. He kept on waking up every hour to be fed again. Which led me to think that probably my milk is not satisfying enough for him.

So...after 3 days of contemplating, researching and talking to myself (consoling more like it) and people around me....I decided to try feeding him with formula.

*sigh*

I am a New Mama...

At 2.44 am on 19 April 2010, I gave birth to my baby boy Adam Reza.
Weighing at 3.0 kgs and measuring 50 cm, he came out with a conehead, thanks to the vacuum assisted delivery I had.

I was exactly 40 weeks pregnant. In fact, it was just a few hours after my due date.

At 37 weeks, I was so convinced that I will be giving birth early. Because...

1. I was super large and heavy and tired and swollen...
2. I had mini contractions
3. I couldn't wait to be a mama

But at my weekly visits...the doc either said...

"It's not time yet"
"Baby's head is yet to engage"
"You are not dilated yet"

Which I totally didn't understand! How could I be feeling all the above...and NOT be in labour yet??
So when I went for my final checkup on my due date, I was half expecting him to tell me that it will probably be another week.
Despite that, I still brought along my hospital bag. Just in case.

And what do ya know? When he did the internal exam..."You are 1cm dilated."
Woo hoo!
So, I was admitted in for monitoring. Doc said that I will probably give birth the next day, and if things didn't move much, they will induce me that night.

Grinning from ear to ear, I eagerly sat in my room...waiting and waiting.
Come night time, my contractions were getting pretty strong. I tried some zikir, yoga breathing and what not...but to no avail. So in the end, I had to succumb to the pentadine injection.

NOW i know why people do drugs! I was flooooating!

Sadly though, it was rather shortlived. After 2 hours...the pains got stronger and stronger.

Worst...at 11pm, the nurse said I was not that dilated. WHAT?? How can that be? If i am not mistaken she said I was only 3 or 4 cm dilated. *sigh*... so she inserted in the pill into my va-jay-jay to soften my cervix and induce labour.

"ok, try and rest and relax. you will probably only give birth the next morning"

3 painful hours later...

UNBEARABLE PAIN! at this point, i started rocking back and forth on my side with every contraction. I was timing myself...staring at the clock in front of me. The contractions were coming on strong at every 4 mins!

And the thought that I will have to go through this till 6am??? nooooooooo!

Had a strong urge to pee, so I went to the loo.
Shock and horror. It was a bloody massacre down in my panties.
My heart stopped. Is there something wrong with the baby? Did I just have a miscarriage?
I called out the husband, who was fast asleep on the couch.
Called in the nurse.

So, apparently the blood show is normal. *phew*.
She made me lie down to check my cervix.

"Oh! You are now 8cm dilated! It's time to go to the labour room"

err...say what?? Is it really time?
So they rushed me into the labour room.

It was about 2 am.

Everything else was pretty much a blur from hereon.
I remember hearing a lot of clanking of instruments and nurses talking.
The husband was somewhere on my right...

At this point, I was so consumed with pain. I was constantly contracting...
I remembered being on my side...holding onto something metal...and was rocking quite violently and chanting Subhanallah.
The husband said it looked like a horror movie! Hahaha...

Then, I opened my eyes a bit...and saw that the doctor has arrived. Poor him. Being dragged out his bed at this insane hour. I wanted to laugh, cause he was just wearing a black t-shirt. Was it Hard Rock? Or something like that.

And then...it began.

Everyone in the room told me to push.
And I did! Or so I thought I did.
Apparently I was doing it all wrong.
I was supposed to take a deep breath, hold it and PUSH.
Gosh...I didn't remember reading that! I was doing my yoga breathing...

INHALE...and EXHAAAAAAAAALE loudly.

At some point, the doctor said, "OK Suhana, I am going to help you now".
I didn't know that means he was going to cut me (episiotomy) and use a vacuum to suck the baby out!...well it didn't really make much of a difference, cause I was blurred with pain.
The husband said that the vacuum looked like medieval torture instrument. Nice.

And about 15-20 mins later of more pushing, he was finally OUT!

I heard him cry. I saw the nurses carry him to the station to be checked. I was laughing and crying at the same time.

Adam Reza's First Photo

My baby! He is finally out!
They briefly let me see him, and they took him away to be cleaned while the doctor delivered my placenta and sewed me up.
And suddenly I was OUT COLD.

The husband said the doctor had to put me to sleep cause I was fidgeting too much, which made it difficult for him to sew me up. Worst still..apparently I had a perineal tear on TOP of the episiotomy.
This pretty much equates to numerous stitches.
Ouch.

I was out for probably an hour.
After which, I woke up and was as fresh as can be.
I was still in the labour room. And there was nobody around.
Ermm...what just happenned there?
And where's my baby???

Then my husband came in and told me the baby is sleeping and resting.
They took me back to the room and told me to rest...but I was too excited.
I stayed awake the rest of the wee hours...and each time I looked at the door, half expecting them to bring my baby in so that I can give my breastfeed. But nothing.
Apparently, I was supposed to inform the nurses earlier on that I intent to fully breastfeed my baby....haiya....

And so, that is my labour story. Pretty fast but action-packed...:)

And now, I am a Mama...:)